Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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