i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
