If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
