She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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