If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
