Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
