yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bring me that man meat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
