i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
