my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
