Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
