Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
