Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
