Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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