You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
