I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
