So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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