We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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