So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
