T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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