How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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