Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Duck Duck Cougar?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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