I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
