Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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