I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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