i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
