remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
