i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
