so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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