sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
