I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
