My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
