I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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