What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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