My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize