So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
