but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
