I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
