I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize