I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
