first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You did what with his pubic hair?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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