This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
