why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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