A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
