i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
