the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
