I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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