I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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