I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
