Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
