we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
