she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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