You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize