Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
