he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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