i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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