heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Houston, we have a squirter
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
