I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
