i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
