Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't put those talents on a resume
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
