so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
