i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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