I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
