I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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