Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
