nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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