Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
