dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
