Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
