Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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