i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want nice things and good sex
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
