I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
