she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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