Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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