you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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