...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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