I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
